The in Between Mom

I’ve been thinking a lot about our ARD meeting this week.

If you’ve followed our story lately, you know the last few weeks haven’t exactly been easy.

There have been behaviors, phone calls, tears, a suspension, medication changes, and a whole lot of questioning myself as his mom.

Did we make the right decision retaining him?

Is public school still the right place?

Are we asking too much of him?

Are we not asking enough?

Am I doing the right things for my boy?

I walked into his ARD carrying all of that with me.

And if you’re a special-needs parent, you probably understand how emotional these meetings can be. You’re sitting in a room full of people talking about your child—their struggles, behaviors, goals, progress, and all the things they still need help with.

I tear up. I always do.

Because they’re not talking about a name on a piece of paper.

They’re talking about my baby.

But somewhere during this meeting, I stopped thinking about all the things that had gone wrong lately and started looking around the table.

There were so many people sitting there for one little boy.

My little boy.

His teachers. His SDI teacher. OT. Speech. Mrs. Legge. Administration. His school psychologist. A behavioral analyst joining his team.

Different jobs. Different areas of expertise.

But everyone sitting around the same table asking one question:

How do we help Greyson?

And then they started telling stories about him.

Not just the hard stories.

The GOOD ones.

Mrs. Ish reminded me how far he has come.

When Greyson first started, he could barely write a couple of letters. Now I look at his handwriting and can’t believe how good it is getting.

As his mom, I needed that reminder.

Sometimes I am so busy worrying about what he still doesn’t know or what we’re working on next that I forget to stop and look behind us.

He has come so far.

Then Mrs. Sluder shared something that made me laugh because it could not have been more Greyson.

During Fun Friday, the kids were allowed two pieces of paper to free draw.

Greyson wanted more.

Of course he did. 😂

He kept asking for more paper and was told no. He wasn’t happy about it and spent a few minutes trying to get a different answer.

But then something happened.

He figured it out.

He took his two pieces of paper, cut them up, and made himself more pieces.

Problem solved. 😂

That little story probably wouldn’t mean much to most people.

But to us?

That’s huge.

He was frustrated. He didn’t get the answer he wanted. But instead of completely falling apart, he stayed with it and found another way.

And his teacher noticed.

She noticed the win.

That seemed to be the theme around the entire table.

They notice the wins.

Mrs. Phillips always makes it a point to tell me the good things Greyson does. She’ll send me a little email or a picture during the day. She celebrates his good choices. She reminds him that even when his brain is telling him something is hard, he can do hard things.

And if you’ve ever seen Mrs. Phillips talk about Greyson, you can literally see her face light up.

You can’t fake that.

She loves my boy.

And then there’s Mrs. Craig.

Mrs. Craig has been such an important part of Greyson’s journey. She may not be his SDI teacher this year, but to Greyson, she is still his Mrs. Craig.

She knew him before so much of this progress. She learned his personality, his little ways, what made him laugh, what frustrated him, and how to get through to him when something felt too hard.

And relationships like that don’t just disappear because a school year ends.

I see it in Greyson when he sees her at school. He may suddenly get shy and act like he doesn’t care 😂, but this mama knows better. He loves her.

He even tells us he likes it better when Mrs. Craig and Mrs. Phillips are in the same room. In Greyson’s world, I think having two of his safe people together just makes everything a little better.

That means so much to me.

Because when your child takes time to trust people, you don’t take those relationships lightly. When someone has taken the time to truly learn your child and earn a place where he feels safe with them, they become part of his story.

Mrs. Craig is part of Greyson’s story.

She helped build some of the foundation everyone around that table is building on today. And even though her role looks different now, she is still there. She still sees him. She still loves on him. And he knows it.

There is something really special about knowing that as Greyson grows, some of the people who helped him along the way are still close enough for him to look over and see them cheering him on.

Mrs. Craig will always be one of those people for our boy. ❤️ calls her his photo taking best friend buddy

Mrs. Archer was Greyson’s first-grade teacher last year, and I don’t think she will ever fully understand the place she holds in our family’s story.

She got Greyson during a year when we were still learning so much about him—what he needed, what overwhelmed him, what motivated him, and how to help him believe that he really could do hard things.

Greyson isn’t always the kid who is going to show you right away that he loves you. Sometimes he’s shy. Sometimes he shuts down. Sometimes he negotiates his way out of work like it’s his full-time job. And on the really hard days, he might tell you exactly what he thinks with absolutely no filter.

But Mrs. Archer took the time to know the little boy underneath all of that.

She celebrated him. She encouraged him. She saw the funny, sweet, smart kid that we see at home. She helped make school feel like a place where he belonged, even when learning was hard for him.

Last year wasn’t perfect. There were struggles, tears, questions, and plenty of moments when I wondered if we were doing the right thing. But there were also people like Mrs. Archer who reminded me that Greyson was so much more than a diagnosis, a behavior, a difficult day, or something he couldn’t do yet.

And even though she isn’t his classroom teacher this year, she is still part of his story.

When you have a child with autism and ADHD, you remember the people who truly see your child. You remember the teachers who choose connection before judgment, who notice the progress other people might miss, and who believe in your kid during the seasons when you’re scared about what comes next.

Mrs. Archer was one of those people for Greyson.

And I will always be thankful that she was his teacher.

And then there are the people leading the school.

Mr. Maxson, our principal, and Mrs. Keller and Mrs. Chamberlain, our assistant principals, have seen our family through some really hard moments too. They have gotten the phone calls, been part of the meetings, seen Greyson on difficult days, and had to make decisions that I’m sure aren’t always easy.

As a mom, I may not always love every decision. There have been moments when I’ve cried, questioned things, worried about what comes next, and wondered if we were doing the right thing.

But one thing I have never questioned is whether the people at Heritage care about my son.

Mr. Maxson, Mrs. Keller, and Mrs. Chamberlain don’t just know Greyson’s name. They know Greyson. They know there is so much more to him than the moments when he is dysregulated or struggling. They make a point to recognize the good things he does, his personality, his progress, and the sweet little boy underneath the behavior They are all part of Greyson’s story, and I will always be thankful for that. As he even has nicknames for the assistant principled Boss lady number 1 and Boss lady number 2 😂 and for Mr.Maxson he looks up to him because he’s a boy he even dresses up like him with a vest and button down shirt.

Mrs. Sluder sees the funny, sweet little boy who might tell you all day long that he doesn’t want to do his work but is usually much more capable than he gives himself credit for.

His administrators know him.

They joke with him. They celebrate him. They call me with good news too—not only when something has gone wrong.

His OT sees progress that I sometimes forget to stop and appreciate.

His speech teacher is helping him find the words.

Mrs. Legge has walked through meetings, questions, changes, and decisions with us.

And now there are new people sitting at his table too—a school psychologist and behavioral analyst who are learning Greyson and helping us understand what he needs.

That means something to me.

Because Greyson isn’t always easy to figure out.

He takes time.

He can be shy.

He has to learn to trust you.

And Lord knows that when he’s overwhelmed, there can be absolutely NO filter between Greyson’s brain and Greyson’s mouth. 😂

If he’s having a hard moment, he may tell you exactly what he’s thinking, whether you wanted to know or not.

But the people at his school keep looking underneath those moments.

They don’t let one behavior become his whole story.

They remind me about the funny thing he said.

The work he finished.

The problem he solved.

The good choice he made.

The moment he was kind.

The thing he did today that he couldn’t do last year.

They see my boy.

And I don’t know if I can fully explain what that means to me as his mom.

Having a child with high-functioning autism can be hard.

There are so many things you worry about that you never expected to worry about.

When I drop Greyson off at school, I am trusting other people with a child who may not always be able to explain what he needs.

A child who sometimes shows you he’s overwhelmed long before he can tell you.

A child who learns differently.

A child who needs extra patience, extra understanding, and sometimes another way of doing something.

I can’t be beside him all day.

So knowing the people who are beside him genuinely love him?

That brings tears to my eyes.

And I know you hear so many stories about parents fighting schools.

Sometimes that fight is necessary. Parents absolutely should advocate for their children and ask hard questions.

But I also think we need to talk about the other side.

We need to talk about what it looks like when you have a community of educators who are highly trained, who care, and who are willing to keep trying.

Because that’s what I want for Greyson.

I don’t need perfection.

I don’t expect every day to be easy.

I don’t expect every strategy to work.

I want people who are willing to say:

That didn’t work. What can we try next?

I want people who hold him accountable while still understanding that his brain works differently.

I want people who believe he is capable of hard things.

I want people who see the child before the behavior.

And most of all, I want people who love on him when his mama can’t be there.

Sitting in that ARD meeting, I realized just how many of those people Greyson has.

I walked into that room worried about everything that had happened.

I walked out thinking about something completely different.

Look at all these people surrounding my boy.

Look at all these people who know him.

Who have stories about him.

Who laugh when they talk about him.

Who can tell me where he has grown.

Who know when something isn’t like him.

Who celebrate things other people might never think twice about.

Who keep showing up even after a hard day.

That’s his team.

That’s his community.

That’s who is sitting around his table.

And maybe that’s something another mom needs to hear too.

When everything feels heavy, look around the table.

Don’t only listen to the goals, numbers, behaviors, and things your child still needs to work on.

Look at the people.

Look for the teacher whose face lights up when she says your child’s name.

Look for the person who remembers where your child started.

Look for the administrator who knows your child’s personality.

Look for the people willing to try something different instead of giving up.

Look for the people who still see something good on the really hard days.

Because when you find those people, they are worth more than you realize.

Greyson still has a lot to learn.

We’re still going to have hard days.

I’m probably still cry after those meetings. 😂

And I will always advocate for him.

But I also want to make sure I stop long enough to say thank you.

Thank you for seeing the good in my boy.

Thank you for reminding me how far he has come.

Thank you for believing he can do hard things.

Thank you for trying again when something doesn’t work.

Thank you for laughing at his jokes, surviving his negotiations and giving him the time he needs to trust you.

And thank you for loving on my baby during all those hours of the day when I can’t be there to do it myself.

That means more to this mama than you will ever know. ❤️

— The In Between Mom